What if you made a mistake so terrible that you knew your life would be ruined if you didn’t do something to change it. You prayed to God and asked for an opportunity to make it right, and he answered your prayer, and let you live the same day over and over again, until you righted your wrong? Can you imagine what that mistake would be in your life? I can tell you that for me, it was letting go of quite possibly the most wonderful man in the world.
I was young, a junior in college, when Chad and I started dating. He fell in love with me and I liked him very much. I had never been out of my little town in Nebraska and being in college, in a big city, had me starry eyed. There were so many people to meet, so many men, but Chad was in love with me, he wanted me to be faithful to him. What’s a girl to do? I decided to set him up with my friend, Bridgette, a sweet girl looking for a long-term relationship. Chad was sick when I broke up with him, completely devastated, but we stayed friends. He started dating Bridgette six months after I broke up with him, and she helped him heal his heart.
I was a free woman, with no man to tie me down. I played! I had so much fun tasting all the different flavors of men. I grew tired of playing and started to miss my Chad, but by this time Bridgette and Chad were deep in love.
They started a family together. Chad landed a phenomenal job right out of college and he built a beautiful home for Bridgette. Bridgette worked part time and was a full-time mom to their son. The two were so happy, the type of marriage that would follow a fairytale. I stayed in touch with them, Bridgette is my best friend, but Chad and I were not as close after our break up. It would kill me to be apart from them, and kill me to see them together and in love. My life became a full circle of regret, obsession, and self-loathing for what I wanted to do most: break their stupid perfect relationship up.
I’m not really a religious person, Chad was. He would spend an hour every day devoted to God. He’d read his bible, pray, or practice gratitude meditation. He’s not a religious nut or anything, if you ask him about religion, he’d dismissively tell you he was “spiritual.” I oftentimes wonder if his life was somehow blessed by God, how else could one man be so perfect? On a stormy Spring night I fell to the floor and sobbed for Chad, feeling completely sorry for my own self-made misery, I contemplated taking my life. I managed to pick myself up on my knees and look out the window, the rain was coming down in sheets, you could barely see the lightening, the sound of the rain hitting my roof, and the tree slapping the window couldn’t drown out my cries. I lifted my arms and begged God for the opportunity to right my wrong. I need to make it right. Please God, let me have my man.
I woke up and the alarm clock read yesterday’s date. The sun was shining through the window just as it was yesterday morning. I turned on the TV, yesterday’s news was playing. It was the first day of my second chance, there would have been a lot more second chances to come, over and over the same day played until I finally won him over.